July 8, 2025

 My mom died two weeks ago. I feel suspended in time and space and rather lost.

Em Elle Tarot has has given me great readings and now I am pulling for myself.

What I am leaving behind, What is holding me during this transtion, Where will I land.

Knight of Swords, The Lovers, King of Cups

As I laid the cards, the Knight is flying to the left, out of the spread. With mom passing (for one thing) there is one less worry about her care and her situation. I know her nursing home was top notch, but it's still hard to accept she needed care I couldn't provide. Losing Medicaid was constantly on my mind, as well as the pre-grief of knowing the end was near. This owl is behind me, although there are some feathers still left behind. I know I'm a worrier - this may be the ends I need to clear up.

Right now I feel supported by my ancestors and the love I shared with my parents. That last is bittersweet because I miss them so very much. Memories sustains my connection to them. The last decade has been full of responsibilities and the decades were spent stalking the divine. I learned the meaning of grace and now I need to give that grace, and space, to myself.

The King of Cups Owl looks proud, graceful and secure in his place, his prosperity and his space. He sits in a liminal space, at the shoreline, where water and the horizon touch the sand and land. The Star has this type of liminal energy, as does the Moon, by this King is not an archtype, he's the culmination of a lifetime of trial and error, and starting over.

I grant myself a fallow year, as I did when my dad died. One year to myself with limited committments and expectation. This time, work and caretaking are not standing in the way of sitting with myself. 

Noli Timere